Saturday, February 27

American Idol groupie

Some people are really confused when it comes to groupies. No, you don't need to be some good looking hot young thing to be a groupie. It doesn't ALWAYS mean groupie- as in hang around waiting to offer yourself up to 80's rockband has beens. I am a groupie of a short list of people/shows/stuff but I am not so hot and haven't been considered young for decades. New age groupie. That's what I am- a new age Idol groupie in the virtual world.

My groupiness today focuses on American Idol types. Yes, I was a Clay Aikin and am an Adam Lambert groupie. Groupied them PRIOR to their coming out parties, but that's nothing to me. I'm past fantasizing about that kind of relationship. I groupie them as entertainers. Adam Lambert is the hottest sexiest entertainer EVER to jump through the Idol hoops.(see Actually, he would be the reigning American Idol if people in the United States could get over being anal for about one minute. I like Kris Allen but his ability to sing doesn't rank anywhere close to the range, style or performance of the person who was/is better than him. Some can't seem to separate personal limitations and allow their self-professed moral superiority to judge others. They should listen to MJ's Man in the Mirror over and over and over until they get it.

Anywho, this year's crop of Idols offers up some juicey possibilies. Yes, Kara DioGuardi
made a fool of herself over Casey James but that doesn't mean he isn't the hottest thing on the stage. But, that's not his fault. His mama probably told him to wear his shirt open. He is confident-but not too much. And sexy-in a soft way but the facial hair gives him a touch of a rugged, while the longer hairstyle looks way touchable. (breathe ej) The tiny touch of shyness/embarassment makes him that much more appealing. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. He can sing. He kinda reminds me of a hybrid version of Keith Urban, Tim McGraw and John Mayer all wrapped up in one of his golden locks with a scrunchie. (Okay I made up the John Mayer part but I wanted to throw in a non-country singer name). The third person in Casey's mix is really Bucky Covington-a much refined metrosexual version of Bucky. The hairdos, the rings and the swagger all ooze with style; plus those blue eyes could live in my contact lense case any day.

Another guy who can sing is Lee Dewyze. Love the rough smokey voice but too bad for Lee he's not as sexy as Casey. Oh, I mean too bad he's not as musically skilled as Casey. Callers made a big mistake with stupid voting on Wed. Feb. 24 for both guys and girls. But, you'll have that. I thought Tyler Grady and Joe Munoz deserved to stay. Grady=appeal to those who love 70s music (or graduated from high school during that decade) and he can sing a little while Munoz can sing a lot! Tyler's rightful time to leave shouldn't be until around final 12ish and Joe could have made it down to the last 3-4 guys. The boot should have been Tim Urban and Jermaine Sellers. I like Alex Lambert because he symbolizes the type of contestant Idol should highlight. He's not polished and all set to hit the stage because IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE AN AMATEUR COMPETITION. Also, if I were a betting woman-oh, I guess I am pretty much. Okay well, I would put money on Andrew Garcia as the guy to finish first if a guy is going to finish first. Should be big odds and not too crazy. Crazy, but I'm not talkin' like a clown crazy but more like a noncreepy normal person crazy. Aaron Kelly could get annoying fast and Big Mike (Michael Lynche) is a sweetheart but not the greatest singer. And no, this competition ISN'T about the best singer. Last year erased any doubt of that concept. Think about it people. Duh. It's a popularity contest. Pretend you are in high school again. Same concept. Haeley Vaughn hanging in for another week underscores that fact. Totally bad singing as in off key, but you know she just kept smilin' and she's so adorable (ask the judges). Guess what? Puppies are adorable too, but that doesn't mean they should be living the good life on Idol when a decent singer gets the boot.

Oh yes, speaking of the girls. Probably gonna hug Casey just to slide around him to the front of the pack. We'll see if he's got the right inside connections or if he gets used and tossed to the side. Could even be two girls in the finals. I gotta like Katelyn Epperly as soon as she irons her hair. If the 70s taught me anything it's shampoo your hair with eggs, rinse with beer then iron after it dries naturally. I suppose some idiot might singe it off and run home crying to mama, but we didn't have fancy irons in the 70s. Plus, we were smart enough to know you iron OVER the thin towel you spread over your hair. Shoot! I coulda told you it wasn't my fault even before the legal ruling. Everybody's an EJ wanna. Okay so, Katelyn can sing, but more importantly she lives in my geographic area aka Des Moines, IA. No, there isn't a cornfield in the middle of the city and yes, we do have running water and electricity. Hmmm. Now that I think of it we might be just a little ahead of some places where people think they are progressive (we don't tell adults they can't love or marry another adult) so stop the Iowa stereotypes please. Okay, true we do have a diversity of food-on-a-stick offerings at the state fair, but who doesn't? So, yes Katelyn. She'll get into the last few left standing, or singing would be a better word choice. She very sellable-as in vocally and style (don't go there). The black feather in the hair wasn't workin' too much, though.

EJ's favorite BEFORE everybody else jumped on the somebody-different bandwagon was/is Crystal Bowersox. I love that she never watched Idol on a regular basis and doesn't seem phased by all the glitz. She's pretty much for real. I doubt she sucks up to the judges, unbottons her shirt and compromises herself too much. I loved her comment about Idol not allowing original songs when a judge reminded her to be original! Of course, some compromising must take place just to make sure all the contestants are appropriately grateful and say keywords like life changing experience or I am blessed or dream of a life time, yadda, yadda, yadda. Each year the cliches become more cliche. I suppose the fact that Crystal can sing is a good touch. The harmonica is a great extra. How many times do you see the whole package? It would be nice to see a true female all-around musician win. (love Underwood and Clarkson but they don't play instruments). I don't get Crystal's dreadlocks, though. I think that's natural for some hair, but not-so-much Caucasian type hair. My daughter once had a Caucasion female friend who constantly wore dreadlocks or cornrows and the occasional dorag. I finally had to tell her she wasn't Black. Anyway, yes, I'm sayin' my main objection to the two favorites IS their hair. But, we can change that. I'll take care of it. I'll advise them to iron their hair. Then, when it gets too crispy they'll go for a trim. Viola! new hairstyles for Crystal and Katelyn! Speaking of hair, let's give some of Katelyn's curl to Lily Scott and they'd both look better. BTW I like Lily a little. It's the hair thing again. I am not crazy over white hair on young people, but I'm over it. The straight style reeks of a Cleopatra look alike; it's too stark or blunt. Also speaking of hair, why does Casey's look better than most of the girl's hair?

Now for the judges. I am a big Ellen Degeneres fan but she has yet to impress me in the world of Idol judging-too many Paulaesque comments. C'mon Ellen, you can tell the truth and coat it with humor-not Paula. And, somebody has to tell Kara DioGuardi the competition isn't about her. I sense she has a strong need to feel needed. First hint? Bikini. Simon Cowell is still the wanna-be-bad boy but gives solid advice. He's too much of a drama queen, though. He should feel like a jerk for saying things like you blew it and your career is over. Yes, he is the best judge on the panel. But, he still ain't God or some other deity. Randy Jackson is . . . Randy is Randy. He's true to himself and not too abrasive but still doesn't give unrealistic hope to those who pretty much such. The dawg thing was sickening a few years ago, but evidently no one told Randy.

Next up? Tune in for my ultra groupie experience (if that's possible with half a million other groupies) as part of the Colbert Nation as I worship all things Stephen Colbert!

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