Thursday, June 12

Hypocrites go to hell in a handbag - filled w plenty o' $$$$, of course

Hypocrites, greed and wanna-be Christians,  


Inspired by Indiana's GOP candidate for representative, John Johnson, who said those living in poverty should 'wither and die', I've come up with ideas on how to resolve the  problem with 'Moochers' taking government handouts.

My idea should quiet critics who think abruptly telling a poor person to starve or freeze to death is a little too callous. This plan gives them a purpose. Hopefully, Mr. Johnson will not get sued by Newt Gingrich who originally came up with allowing Medicare, Social Security and the likes to 'wither and die'.

Maybe he got permission from Newt-although I heard Newt was not available (either honeymooning with wife # 12 or speaking at that American Values conference)+ Johnson added, "No one who wants votes is willing to call a spade a spade."... 

"I saw the opportunity to say something. I think a lot of the poor have no way out, and there's no motivation to improve your position."  True statements.

Comedy Central public domain photo.
Preface to the preface
While some far left liberal protestant ministers (or Popes) professed the actions of Johnson and other wanna-be Christians  to be anti-Christian, they were wrong. In the new up-dated version of CC Bible, rewritten by highly qualified expert wanna-be Christians  and verified by Fox News, the archaic advice of Jesus is adapted to fit the new Gospel of the wanna-be Christian Conservative Portfolio (CCP).

Buy it today at a bargain price and you can be part of the American Dream! - A white wealthy male w several indentured servant submissive Evangelical Fundamentalist wives; male partners (conveniently disguised as chefs and hair stylists); own as many guns as you need to stand your ground, keep poor people and minorities out of your sight, AND you can own a part of the Zoo.

Plus, we'll throw in the popular digital book,  How to Reach Heaven by Hoarding More Dollars by one of those televangelists. Was it Oldsteam or Oyster? Can't remember. Pretty sure he wrote the prequel, How to Make Sure Your Kid Does Not Turn Gay, (with a chapter on the tradition of death by stoning). 

If you haven't received your new Gospel yet, simply make these minor changes in the Bible:
  • in the book of Matthew change that camel thing by crossing out 'rich' and changing it to 'poor' 
  • Same book, change, "No one can serve two masters. You cannot serve God and money," to  "You will serve your master. You cannot eat if you do not serve your Master and his money".
On second thought just wait for your new Gospel to be delivered by a former entitlement taker. In any case, on your way out, everyone should genuflect before the mural of Mike Pence, Paul Ryan, and Cartman. Never forget John and Newt's famous let the poor 'wither and die' speech, Cartman's infamous words, "Screw the poor," and Paul Ryan's piece of work
designing our economic plan  to make the 'wither and die' campaign a big success.  Our Human Zoo exhibit is no longer just a dream! Check it out!  
When you enter, slide $100 in the slot by Cartman's ear for a chance to own an animal in the Petting Zoo.

Helping "Christian" Conservatives Eliminate Entitlements from Moochers

Gather around royal boys and girls - after you place your $500 class fee on my desk. Before your first visit to the ruins of our Human Zoo Amusement Park, I will tell you the story of  how our people- less than five percent of the entire population, saved the entire economy, lowered the debt, and resolved the Moocher entitlement issue all in two hours and 14 minutes. I'll describe what visitors could see and do before the creatures withered and died. 

On a summer day way back in the year 2014 before we destroyed the evil democracy,  exiled that Black man from Kenya, and denied global warming- back when Hispanics, Blacks, Chinese, the poor, the old people, the disabled and such were allowed to roam free draining our resources by mooching food, insisting they were entitled to heat, medicine, free water, and free air.

On that historical day our heroes planted the diamond-encrusted seeds of our version of evolution-along with several ground traps to catch small humans. Right there on The Hill our official fact checkers,  The Crotch Brothers, signed big checks. Rupert Murdock got drunk, then  it was official. The new gospel of the CCP became the new law. All hail the rich and powerful.

At first some of the small humans didn't like training. They
plotted to steal our food until Bill O'Reilly used his loud
Papa grizzly bear voice to tell them pride and dignity was
more important and lasted longer than food.
The first phase of The Plan was not perfect.  First we attempted to enforce the campaign 'Get a Job or Wither and Die' law passed by the Billionaire's Club during an afternoon orgy. We flew in special guests like Putin, Arnold, and Chuck to boot the lazy mental and physically disabled Moochers straight out of their fancy wheelchairs and into McDonalds to flip burgers and wash dishes.

A funny clown and his sidekick from Texas,  Carnival Cruz and Scary Hairy Perry, impersonated the voices of Goofy and Scooby  to lure all the two and three year olds into a warehouse where they were trained to sweep and mop floors.

At first the small humans did not understand. But, Carnival's smartness kicked in-"Yes, Pavlov's theory!' Then Sarah Palin showed up to soothe the little ones by singing one of her songs from her nursery rhyme collection, "You betcha, Virginia, There's No Entitlements," and the well known country tune, "I've Got Guns in Strange Places" as she winked and crossed her hands over her tweeter.
They all chuckled over their Shirley Temples until Arnold said, "Ya, the small ones, they be good sweepers if they hungry enough. Ya? Then they had an lol moment. By the time their party ended, Arnold figured out a better way to organize workers.
"Ya, hey you ever vatch the movie about the Hungry Games?"

The rest is history.

On her 2nd birthday, Stacy got to feed the animals in petting zoo.
These two girls were glad to get an
outside job on the construction crew.

He and others experienced in mind
He and others experienced in mind control like Rupert Murdock, any TV evangelist with at least $40 in the bank, and one talented snake charmer did a good job indoctrinating the poor and disabled. The children were the most excited. 
One of our most popular attractions, the Petting Zoo, was filled with wild little ones who were not trained  yet.  When visitors purchased a $20 handful of food from the machine, the little pets got fed. So fun to watch. Sometimes a visitor would toss the food up in the air-watch out! So many little pets pushing, shoving, kicking, and biting just trying to taste one of the morsels.

In addition to the top-notch entertainment, the petting zoo was educational.  Instead of malarky like evolution, the Human Zoo demonstrated one of the few true scientific theories- survival of the fittest. As expected, the shy or sick pets were the first to wither and die. But, after all, that was the goal of the games.

We had to get rid of all those entitlements.

This is that special moment 
when small ones finally figure
out training and get a food reward. These two ended up
as the best barbers and stylists in the Zoo.
The smallest one ended up doing artwork for many
billionaires. It was even allowed out of its pen to work on
special commissions AND it got food every day.  Of course,
it was a white human so it was acceptable.
Named Poopy and Droopy, these twins often
worked two or three days without sleeping.
Even though they weren't white, they got extra
treats when they humored the Richie Riches.
They raced in for the fabulous new hair style
the boys are sporting in the picture.

Some rich folks just loved to come to the Human Zoo to see the all the different types. A fat blubbery guy named Rush liked to throw a piece of meat into a pen. Those creatures got so vicious you'd think he'd thrown in a piece of gold or his autograph
This guy's head was big-huge, like a Fathead. Just an observation. Anyway, one day when he taunted the same human four times by pretending to throw the meat, he laughed so hard he
almost choked. That's when he got careless, forgetting the rules about not putting any digits or limbs over the fence.
When he showed his piece of meat the fifth time, he dangled it close to the human's mouth. That's when it happened. Not only did the human grab Rush's meat with his teeth (ouch, that had to hurt),  it managed to take his whole hand in his mouth and kept sucking his fingers.

After that,  instead of having the human punished, Rush checked it out of the zoo to paint a house for him.  But, people say he never took the human back to the zoo.  He kept him as a personal servant.

Of course, that is before the new therapy law passed to make gay people straight.  Oh, wait. Wasn't that guy married?  Oh, well. His wife was probably glad to have the help.

His friend Glenn frequented that same pen at the zoo after that. He was kinda a bully, though.  You'd think he'd get bored with teasing, poking, and mimicking the humans on a regular basis but he was so thrilled entitlements were gone, he loved to celebrate. I guess he got  pleasure from poking them-at least, that's what they say about him downtown. He loved to poke.

 Yes, but my pride and dignity is solid. 
Anyway, as you know, this story has a disappointing ending. The Human Zoo and all life in the outer regions withered and died. The Richies forgot to save the best stock to breed more humans.

So, one of their most important achievements -  their wish for the poor and disabled to wither and die, worked. They withered and died. Finally, the  high fallutin' upper crust was rid of entitlements.
After visiting with big name celebrities like Hulk Hogan, Paula Abdul, Russell Simmons, Jeff Foxworthy, and Kermit the Frog,  the new Richie Rulers made big plans to expand as shown on the map below. They planned fun trips like a dinner train linked from region to region to watch humans in their original habitat.

Sadly, it didn't happen before campaign wither and die withered and died. But, no worries. All money invested was returned.

Fascinating stuff.

Good times.

The stuff in Paul Ryan's dreams.

Que sara, sara. 

Thanks. Obama.
All rights reserved 2014. Complementary photos from

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