EJ's take on entertainment and travel plus a few pointers in a fairly smart-for-old-person way

Saturday, March 13

Here's the fit (as promised)

Stupid. *^%$$#(*&!

Lilly not in the top 12? Really? I guess I forgot voters are looking for some stereotypical package of the perfect America boy/girl image. OMG Lilly has white hair, so scratch her off the list. Never mind her originality and edgy voice. Since America voted Lilly off before the likes of Katie, Lacey, Didi or Paige, we don’t need a reminder of the fact that American Idol is NOT about singing. It’s an image. It’s America’s fascination with unreality. Truthiness. That’s it. Callers who vote end up convincing themselves that a 16-year-old (who has slaughtered a couple songs) is a better singer than Lilly (whose been consistently creative and impressive on every outing) are subconsciously thinking of the long dark hair properly coiffed vs. the dyed white hair. Churn out Idols who LOOK the way we expect them to look—if they can sing a little too, it’s all good.

If people were willing to ditch Lilly’s talent, who knows? Crystal might be next. After all, she has dreadlocks and a kid. Who cares that she’s an incredible singer with a unique style? She doesn’t play to the camera or dress like a model so I suppose she’s gotta go.


Booting Alex was also a HUGE mistake. Double stupid. Unbelievable that Tim and Aaron are still around. Really? Could Aaron sing any worse? I guess we should look forward to more off key semi-howling noises. And oh goodie, Tim has more chances to bore me to sleep while watching TV.
Alex has such an awesome smoky sound in his unusual voice. Very different. No one like him. The judges have all talked about his potential as a singer. Isn’t that what Idol is about? Finding raw talent and developing that talent? DUH. Not so much. Evidently, it’s all about finding singers who are already polished, experienced and ready to cut a record. Alex represents all that is the REAL search for an American Idol (singer, that is). Hopefully, the judges will bring him back with a wildcard vote or an escape-caller’s-stupidity card or some such Mulligan.

Next year save of us some time, peeps. Stop auditioning people who want a chance to BECOME a professional singer and just meet their agents. If Idols are supposed to be polished and professional then call it that way. Don’t crush some kid’s dream because he’s not EXPIERENCED! He’s not supposed to be. I am so, so sorry Alex. Someone should have told you they no longer seek raw talent but polished professionals ready to make big bucks NOW.
Grrrrr.

Thursday, March 11

Big 12 better tag my big 6 or it's a big fit

The top 8 guys fell short. It is gonna be women in the finals this year. Simon and all the judges went gaga over Big Mike’s performance. It was good, but c’mon it was NOT the best live performance of the season! He’ll go further in this competition than his voice should take him just because he’s so damn cute and sweet and his story is “aw shucks”.
(Continuing with flawed judges) Plus, Aaron wasn’t even close to decent. When he slaughtered Lonestar’s “I’m already there” I found myself thinking that I wished he was already there—home that is. He sounded like a wounded coyote howling for his mama. Yes, he is a nice kid but it’s time to go back to high school for Aaron and I so wish Todrick would just walk away, too. His okay performance last night still showed lack of anything close to a good voice. He’s just too generic as a singer. That’s what Idol’s all about, remember? Right.


Speaking of voices, I gotta love Mullet Boy’s (aka Alex) smoky voice. He will break out of his restraints soon! My prediction: When he cuts off the dated mullet that is holding him back, he will break out like the rock star that he really is. Fire and lightning style. Watch out for Alex if he stays around this week.

Lee was pretty predictable but still solid. Love him. Casey was back to his sincere crooning self. Love him. Good voice even better to look at. Tim did a good job but he just reminded me that Tyler Grady should be there instead. He got the shaft thanks to judge’s comments bemoaning his trapped in the ‘70s persona—never mind that they all bragged him up and encouraged the look and sound. There you go.

Whoops I almost forgot Andrew. I guess that’s because his performance was forgettable. I’m kinda tired of waiting for another good song from him. I wouldn’t weep if he doesn’t make the top 12 so much either. Except that I want Todrick and Aaron not to make it more than I want Andrew not to make it.

Comment on judge’s comments: I am BORED with Randy starting each critique! It’s more fun when we get to see real reactions instead of playing off Randy’s comments. Dawg. I mean really. Yo, yo. Change it up, dude. It’s just not that real for me, man. I gotta say I’m not gettin’ it. Plus, I still think Kara needs to be voted off the island. Kara was sickening. Ellen was sincere. Simon was too pleasant.

Let’s review:

Tonight I wanna see Aaron and Todrick wave boo-bye – or Andrew. Then, I wanna see DiDi, Lacey or Katie go, but it will probably be Paige and maybe (I hope not) Katelyn who was mislead by Simon’s corny comment about corniness. I was pulling for my home girl until she went all mediocre on me.

Bottom line for females: I love Crystal followed by really like Lilly and Siobhan. Like Katelyn. The remaining clump? Don’t care.

Bottom line for males: No one steps up really, but I like Lee and Alex followed by the hot Casey and the cute Big Mike. Any other? Shrug.

If I get my wish of my top three guy picks and top three girl picks into the final 12, I’ll call it a win! If I don’t, I’ll call it stupid.

Wednesday, March 10

No poop in there! Sorry predictable girls

I know it was girl’s night on American Idol. But, it seemed kinda blah with a few exceptions. Ryan still tried to be smooth, Simon tried to portray put-offish, Ellen tried to be funny, Kara tried to look competent and Randy… well, and Randy is Randy. In not-my-usual-verbose style, I’ll give ya the scoop. Crystal is still the chick to beat. She sounded like a rock star singing a Tracy Chapman song. Siobhan and Lilly were solid, Lacy and Didi okay, Paige and Katie not okay. That leaves Katelyn who was totally boring but she represents so we gotta hope she stays around. Simon though Didi was grand. Not me. Simon thought Lilly wasn’t so grand. Not me. So, if Lilly goes does that mean Simon is smarter than me? Nope. That means he used his bully power to subliminally reach callers. Money is powerful, people.

The REAL story of the night regarding entertainment is not available to record for later viewing. That, of course, is my granddaughter’s fascination/obsession with caca. The Spanish word just sounds more pleasant. You know, poop. Tonight’s adventure started with the usual question.
“Poop in dare, poo-poo in dare?” she appears to honestly be unaware of the wretched sour smell leaking out of her diaper.
“Yup, poop in there. We should sit on the potty like Elmo does, huh?” as I hold back on the gag reflex.
“No kank Q, Gaga,” she gave as a nonchalant reply.
And who can argue with that? But it did remind Gaga of last week’s poop in dare episodes . . . now we’re talking entertainment.
She bounced in bubbly as usual with Papa closely following. Looking around for a cat to chase, Papa mentioned he thought he smelled “something” in the car.
“Anna, do we need to change your pants?” as he reaches under her arms to lift her up.
“No kank Q, Papa. Anna tooted.”
Then I noticed Papa Mark’s face turn pale and his eyes glazed over a bit. He held her in the air like she was a leper with fresh sores. “Gaga, what is that? OMG is that a turd? “
I wanted to say something like, Duh, Einstein don’t you know crap when you see it? but I could see he was on the verge of trauma so I went for the more sensitive response of, “No, not a turd. It’s too soft and runny. It’s more like a pile of steamy fresh poop.”
By then Anna was protesting with , “No poo-poo, Anna tooted. No poo-poo in dare!” And, Mark still looked stunned just standing there like some act of God would come to his rescue or Barbara Eden would rush in and twitch her nose . . . I don’t know what he expected.
Attempting to stay composed and help the tooting girl stay calm, I suggest, “Well, let’s change her.”
Too late, Ethel. Mark’s drama made the no poo-poo girl flail around a bit as he stood her on the carpet.
As soon as those cute brown suede boots touched the floor, more Papa drama happened. “Is that . . . there’s sh** on her shoe . . . OMG look on her pants . . .”
Uh, oh. He just said the ‘s’ word. He was so over-the-top drama queen, slap-me-across-the-face-to-regain –my-senses that I opted for the cold stone gaze and sternly barked, “Take her in on the bed and we will change her.” Again, not my first choice of words. But, we try to be pleasant and not curse or yell in front of the grandchild.
I ran (okay hobbled fast) into the bathroom grabbing a large towel, and threw it on top the bed. Mark reverted to the dumb act just holding her away from his body uttering a few syllables, “but . . . wh . . . bu”
I took the child and pulled off her pants. Mark stared at me, at the child, at the bed, at the poop. He was either in a trance or paralyzed by poop. I mentioned that he might want to consider helping me as one poop-lined pant leg rolled off. When I hissed, “Papa Mark please hand me the wipes,” he seemed to snap back to present time but he went straight to near hysteria with, “We’re out of wipes, we don’t have wipes . . .”
Shifting to a more realistic goal, I soothed Anna with, “It’s okay. Gaga will get you all cleaned up.” I pointed at the bed and told Mark to stay. As I waited for warm water I glanced through the bathroom door wondering which person looked more helpless. As I wiped and rinsed, wiped and rinsed and repeated as needed, I explained that packaged diaper wipes weren’t around back in the old days and wash clothes were commonly used for poopy butts. “Do you throw it away, then?”
Shoot. One explosive diarrhea-combined-with-pasty-black-stool episode caused a college-educated man to lose touch with reality.
With a happy Anna (no poo-poo in dare now) I instructed the usually wise Papa to finish dressing her. Then I spread the towel on the bed picked up poop pants, a more brown than pink sock, a wettish undershirt, a soiled sweatshirt, a little brown boot with chocolate-colored smudges on white fur lining from floor. I rolled it all into a big towel mass, stomped through the living room, opened the back door and promptly tossed the ball of poop clothes into the garage.
A king-sized comforter and a few other suspect items required removal. But, after a couple bottles of air freshener, a can of carpet cleaner, a change of clothes, and fresh bedding, the damage seemed minimal—until the next Anna tooted event.
In the meantime, I hope Mark watches Forest Gump and works on his poop phobia.